i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
