when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
