Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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