i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
