new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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