Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
