she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
