talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
