Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize