My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize