i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
