As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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