She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
