shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This girl is more easily done than said...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
