What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
