Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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