the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
