Its about making memories worth repressing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
