I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
