i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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