You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
