I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
