You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
