Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
