I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
