just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
