There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
