I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
