i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize