Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
