You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's great music for shaving your balls
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize