go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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