Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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