Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize