I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize