Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
