oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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