Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
