There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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