Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
