So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
