I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
