Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
