all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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