i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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