"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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