Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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