Pants 0. Shit 1.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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