I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
