stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
