If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
