yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
