he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
