thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
