o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
