My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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