I wish I could punch you in the face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
