Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
