You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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