Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
