Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
