i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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