I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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