She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
