I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
