Soap is not a condiment
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
