so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
